A Moment of Hope
During the months of pregnancy, so many millions of thoughts went through my head. There was worry, and there was excitement. I went through times of uncertainty; wondering if we were doing the right thing. Wondering if I was going to be able to be a good father to her, with just the one foot. But all of that was cast aside the moment I saw her for the first time. In one minute I was a father of three, and at 6:36 PM, I became the father of four. It was one of the greatest moments of my life. Even if she was covered in such a mess when she was born. I took a lot of pics, but I think those pics are best reserved for the parents. She really was such a mess. But she was a loud mess. From the start I could tell that Hope had one fantastic set of lungs on her. In fact, it seemed as if every single thing about her was just perfect.
As they were cleaning her off, with me parked in my wheelchair next to the nurse, I kept looking back at Julia, as if reassuring myself that all of this was real. Could it be real? Had I been a hopeless, wreck of a man just a year and a half earlier? Was my new life, one that I had waited so very long for, gaining a new, and beautiful momentum? It would seem that way. Because in those first moments of Hope, I would challenge anyone to find a happier person in the world. It was all so perfect. As the Dave Matthews Band was playing in the OR, we welcome our baby girl to Earth. And now, the hard part had begun; Raising Hope.
When I think of all that had happened in my life that led me to those perfect moments, not a a second of the bad was lost on me. Although I didn't think of them at the time, they were there, those bad moments. When my little girl was born, all of those moments were lost to time. They no longer mattered. And I'm not sure if I will ever give them enough power to matter again. Why would I, when things are so good for me? Here was this beautiful new life that Julia and I had created, and she was absolutely beautiful. As I held her close to Julia, who was still on the operating table, nothing could have been more perfect. The love in our eyes, and in our hearts, was so full in that moment. After months of waiting, we added to our already large family. We added this most perfect little girl. It was a moment that I will never forget. A Moment of Hope.
Earlier that day we came in for our routine pregnancy check up. We didn't think that that would be the day that our daughter chose to enter the world. But I guess she, and God had different plans. We sat around for hours waiting to hear the final decision from the doctor. Would Hope be coming on a Friday, or would she be coming on Monday? Eight hours after we arrived at the hospital, Julia went down to the OR. And while she was prepped, I sat in a rolling chair in the hallway, shoved into an OR gown like a canned ham. I looked quite delightful. But it didn't matter. Soon, I would be a dad... again. So any discomfort was well worth it.
In the delivery room, with Dave Matthews playing quietly over the anesthesiologists laptop, I took my place at the head of the bed, and waited for my daughter to arrive. And when she did, it was with a scream. And a sigh of relief from myself, and from Julia. And we had ourselves a mess, baby girl. The next few hours sort of flew by, with nurses and doctors checking the baby, and a flurry of pictures taken by daddy.
I have had a few days in my life that I would consider the "best day of my life". The first will always be the day my son, Robbie, was born, but the birth of my girls all take a very close second place. And the birth of Hope was made all the more special, because it was a day that I shared with the woman that I hope to spend the rest of my life with. Are things in my life perfect? No, unfortunately they are not. But with the birth of Hope, they sure got a hell of a lot better.
Daddy loves you, Hope. With all of my heart!
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