A Few New Words, pt. 1


When I come here to write a new blog post, and I see the blank screen, I sit and wonder what I should write about. Have I said everything that needs to be said already? Does anybody even want to read what I write here? Is it really that therapeutic for me? In the end, I write anyway. Maybe it's just something to take my mind off of what's going on around me. Maybe it's a way to feel really connected to what's going on. Whatever the reason, I enjoy writing. Whether or not anyone reads it doesn't matter much to me. I do this for me. And if there is someone that reads my words, and they take anything away from it, I'm happy to have been some type of help to someone. With that in mind, I stare at my blank screen, and then I just start writing. I like it. It gets my brain working.

Now how was that for an intro? Maybe it was a little long? I do that sometimes. I just get rambling, and find it hard to stop. Hell, I have another paragraph going here, with little to no point. I have a way of letting thoughts get away from me. I'm also missing some kind of filter that would tell a normal person that this paragraph is totally unnecessary. I guess if you think that this paragraph was a waste of time, I give you permission to go back in time, and un-read it. I'll give you a few moments before I continue on. Don't worry, I'll keep your coffee warm, and I'll shoo the cat off of you chair when you return.

Now that all of that has been said I can get to whatever I feel like talking about, much like I've already been doing here today:

In the magical world of my new stump, things are going okay. I did get the staples out last week. For the most part, it wasn't so bad. There were thirty-seven staples. Of those, three of them hurt. And only one of them was terrible pain. It was quick, but it was intense. I think that the staples had been left in too long. Totally my fault, for re-scheduling the appointment, and then missing the original reschedule date. There was skin that was working its way over the staples. So I can't say that was the most pleasant experience. But that part is over. And the doctor said that I was ready to start the prosthetic process. What this means first is that I'll be getting my stump shrunk into the correct shape. I don't believe that it sounds overly fun. But it is the first step to standing next to Julia, as our daughter is brought into this world. And that date is quickly approaching.

I'm getting more used to what's left of my right leg. I wasn't able to touch my bare stump for a good few weeks. It just sort of grossed me out. Now I can. It's still weird to me to see below my knee. I have lost so much. And I know that I'll never get it back. It's such a surreal feeling. No matter what happens, I'll never have a normal leg again. Things will never be the same as they were. Walking will never be the same for me again. Even something so simple as walking to the bathroom at night will forever be different. And I'm okay with that. I've made my peace with it. It's who I am now. I may not ever think I look good, but I will look like me. And I guess I have to learn to be okay with that.

This week marks the final week of the second trimester of the pregnancy. We are less than three months away from meeting Hope. And still, there is much to do. So many things that we need. So many preparations to make. I still feel bad that I'm putting Julia through all of the issues regarding my feet, when we have something so much more important to get ready for. And yet, the situation is what it is. So we are trying to make the best of it. I have been doing more around the house. I've been cooking a lot more. And doing more things for myself. I have decided that I won't be a burden on the ones I love. But I won't lose them either. So I need to keep moving forward, as I work towards that first prosthetic. And as Hope's birthday gets closer and closer, I get more excited to meet her. It's been a rough year in the regard. Julia has not felt herself since December. I can't wait for her to feel better, and to have our baby girl here with us.

Recently I've been picking a band, and listening through to their discography. I did Rush a couple weeks ago. And as I listened through to all of these songs that I have heard hundreds of times, I was once again struck by just how talented this band was. I still love every single song in their catalog. I'm on Kiss now, and when I finish the "Creatures of the Night" album, I know it's going to be a struggle to get through the albums leading up to "Revenge". I love Kiss, but those 80's albums are really hit and miss for me. Don't get me wrong, there is some great material on those discs, but as a whole, I find it difficult to get through the entire album. And anybody that knows me, knows that I am an album man. I love listening through to the entire disc. So it's a shame that I can't get into the majority Kiss' 80's output as easily as I can all of the rest of their stuff. I guess that's my music post for the day.

Anyhow, I guess this post is getting a bit long winded. So I'll end this one for now. From myself, and my stump, we thank you all today. Say it again... you're beautiful.

-Rob


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Feeling Lazy

Image
I don't do much around here these days. The past couple of weeks, as infection burned through my foot, and killed the bones, I was limited in my mobility. First because I was hoping that my foot might heal, and second because the pain was getting increasingly worse with every passing day. I was in agony. As you can imagine, infection in your foot, and in the bones of your foot don't exactly tickle. So as a result, I've done very little around the house. And as a result, I feel fairly useless around here. When we first moved into this house, back in July, I was also experiencing limited mobility, thanks to a surgery that I had just had done to remove a bone in my foot. The same foot that is no longer there! But, even though I was limited in what I could do, I still did as much as I could to help out. I was able to help cook, clean a little, and at least be a somewhat productive member of this household. This time around, I am missing my right foot. I have a lot of troub
Read more

One Foot Down

Image
On Wednesday, April 11th of 2018, sometime around 8:30 AM, I went into surgery, and came out with one less foot. I hear that the surgery went great, and as I sit here Monday night, it still seems like the surgery went well. Unfortunately, I still have only one foot now. The events leading up to this happened so quickly, that it was hard for me to really take the time to think much about it. Things were that bad in my foot. The infection was that bad. And luckily for me, the pain was that bad (yes, that was sarcasm). And so when I went in for my podiatrist appointment on Monday the 9th, I was told that I would soon become an amputee. I was filled with emotions. I wanted to cry. But I didn't. Well, I mean, I did eventually. It’s such a weird thought to know that my foot is gone. To look down to where it used to be, and see just empty space. And if I’m being honest, it’s pretty scary. When I look down there, I’m filled with the sense of wondering how the future is going to work.
Read more

Today Is A Good Day

Image
Today is a good day. I guess you would know that if you read the title. I can't say exactly why it's a good day, I'm just feeling good. And why not? I have so many amazing things up ahead, to look forward to. There is a lifetime of happiness ahead of me. I just have to grab it. And you can believe me that I'm going to grab it. This new Rob, the one that was born from the ashes of a failed marriage, is here to stay. The happy one, that isn't hiding tears, and sorrow inside. the one that can look over at his sleeping girlfriend, and know that everything is going to be okay. And the huge blessing of Hope. I felt her kick last night, and a couple other times, but last night she really kicked hard. It bumped my hand. I had this moment of, "Oh my God, that's my little girl in there!" That's a beautiful thought. My baby girl is so busy these days, especially when Julia is laying down. It's such an incredible thing to feel, and experience. If it w
Read more